Greater Love Has No One Than This, That He Lay Down His Life For His Friends (John 15:13)

Fr Thomas Anchanikal, SJ   - 1951-1997

Had I been there --

Would I have dared --

Dare die in his stead,

As Thomas did, bowing his head

On a night without a star,

In the cruel fields of Bihar...?

from "Had I Been There,"

a poem in honor of A.T. Thomas,
 

by Pradip Sen 

Thomas Anchanikal, known as A.T. Thomas, was back home in Hazaribag, in Jharkhand State, India. He was back among the dalits, the poor and illiterate, the oppressed. They knew him as their teacher, their advocate. He made their cause his own. 

As a young Jesuit in the 1970s, A. T. had heard the cry of the poor and his personal call to live and work among them. He was a practical man who could fix a TV antenna or a car's engine. He was a compassionate man who drove the sick to the hospital and sat by the dying. And he was a visionary man who heard the people's stories of oppression and recognized the power latent in their talents and determination.

A.T. and his fellow Jesuits recognized the great need of the dalits for education. Even children had to work all day to help support their families, so normal schooling was beyond them. A.T. and the others gradually developed a network of night schools around Hazaribag. Gathering for school, people began to share their other concerns, and the whole range of social issues and needs came to the fore. A.T. became involved in every aspect of the people's lives.

After two decades of nonstop labor, in 1996 A.T. went to Manila to work on a master's degree in sociology so he could return and serve the people better. In October 1997 he was back in India doing research for his degree, back among the lowest of India's social classes, the people without a caste, the very poor people of God whom he loved. Some years earlier A.T. had been involved in a legal dispute. Dalits in a village near Hazaribag had lost a parcel of land that they cultivated to a group from a higher caste. They went to court and, to everyone's surprise, won their case. The offending parties went to jail but never forgot who had caused them to lose face and their freedom.

On October 24, 1997, A.T. went to the village of Sirka, where he found some people dressed in police uniforms beating one of the villagers. As he started to investigate the violence, one of the would-be police recognized him and said, "This is the man who sent me to jail." The men dressed as police were in fact local insurgents who extorted money from the villagers. They surrounded A.T. and led him away at gunpoint. The villagers protested, "He is a good man; let him go." But A.T. disappeared into the night.

"There was never any doubt as to where A.T.'s sympathies lay," writes his fellow Jesuit Kevin Cronin. "As he had perceived Jesus to have been, A.T. felt himself called to be on the side of the poor, the victims of injustice in whatever form." A.T. became the latest victim of violent injustice. For two days, as authorities waited for the expected ransom demand, rumors began to circulate that A.T. had been beaten and killed. On October 27, his battered and decapitated body was found in a river bed. That evening, the body was brought to St. Xavier's in Hazaribag and placed into a coffin. The next day friends and relatives, religious sisters to whom he had ministered, and crowds of his beloved untouchables gathered for the Church's liturgy to honor A.T.'s memory and draw strength from his sacrifice.

"This father just cannot abide injustice anywhere," people had said of him. "If he sees injustice anywhere, he will fight." Injustice led A.T. to his violent death. But in facing this injustice, A.T. Thomas had already found life.

Fr Richard Fernando, SJ - 1970 –1996

In 1996 Richie Fernando SJ was killed aged 26 years by a hand grenade released by a student in the Jesuit Refugee Service technical school for the handicapped near Phnom Penh.  

On January 3, 1996 Richie wrote in his diary: 

"I wish, when I die, people remember not how great, powerful, or talented I was, but that I served and spoke for the truth, I gave witness to what is right, I was sincere in all my works and actions, in other words, I loved and I followed Christ." 

Richie Fernando was a long way from home. He was a Filipino Jesuit in Buddhist Cambodia. He was educated and full of promise in a camp where refugees maimed by bullets and land mines and scarred by hunger and disease fought for hope. He loved life in a land where life was hard and death nearby.

Richie went to Cambodia in May 1995 as part of his Jesuit training. He had entered the Society in 1990 and finished the novitiate and collegiate studies. Before going on to theology studies and ordination, he was sent to work at Banteay Prieb, a Jesuit technical school for the handicapped not far from Phnom Penh. Banteay Prieb describes itself as a "place that enables the disabled to tell their own stories, to gather strength and hope from being with one another, and to learn a new skill that enhances a sense of dignity and worth." Here people disabled by landmines, polio, and accidents learn skills that allow them to earn a living. Banteay Prieb means "the Center of the Dove." 

When Richie arrived, his devotion to the students quickly won their trust. He began learning their Khmer language and came to appreciate their religious traditions. And he loved to share their stories, stories of survival during Pol Pot's genocidal regime, stories of the devastation of their society through poverty, displacement, and the nine million landmines that still plague their land.

One of these survivors is Sarom. Already an orphan, at 16 Sarom became a soldier; two years later he was maimed by a landmine. Sarom finished his courses at Banteay Prieb and wanted to stay on there, but school authorities found him disruptive and asked him to leave. Richie Fernando mentioned Sarom in a letter to his friends in the Philippines, saying that although Sarom was "tricky" he still had a place in Richie's heart.

On October 17, 1996, Sarom came to the school for a meeting. Angered, he suddenly reached into a bag he was carrying, pulled out a grenade, and began to move towards a classroom full of students; the windows of the room were barred, leaving the students no escape. Richie Fernando came up behind Sarom and grabbed him. "Let me go, teacher; I do not want to kill you," Sarom pleaded. But he dropped his grenade, and it fell behind him and Richie. In a flash Richie Fernando was dead, falling over with Sarom still grasped in his arms, protecting him from the violence he had made.

Only four days before his death Richie had written a long letter to his Jesuit friend Totet Banaynal. "I know where my heart is," he wrote; "It is with Jesus Christ, who gave his all for the poor, the sick, the orphan ...I am confident that God never forgets his people: our disabled brothers and sisters. And I am glad that God has been using me to make sure that our brothers and sisters know this fact. I am convinced that this is my vocation."

Three days after Richie's death, his shocked family and friends in the Philippines celebrated his funeral. At the same time, his shocked Cambodian friends carried an urn containing cloths soaked in his blood to a Buddhist funeral mound. In their shock they mourned; and in their mourning they gave thanks for Richie, the man they knew and loved, their son, their brother, their teacher, their friend. 

Shocked by what he had caused, Sarom sat in his jail cell and mourned too.

In March 1997, Mr. and Mrs. Fernando wrote to Cambodia's King Sihanouk, asking for pardon for Sarom; somehow, someone had to stop the violence. Sarom had not wanted to kill Richie. "Richie ate rice with me," he said; "he was my friend."

Source 

http://www.jesuitmission.org.au/index.php?page=60

Mohammed Ciniraj encounters Jesus and becomes Christian

"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 6:23)

Address: Paul Ciniraj Mohammed, Malankara Sabha Missionary, Devalokam, Kottayam-686038, India.

Date of Birth: 25 May, 1954. 

He was born and brought up in a Muslim family named "Kochera" at Kalloor in Thiruvanandapuram, India.

His father, Janab Kassim Pillai, was a retired Headmaster of a Higher Secondary School and an Islamic Scholar. Mother was a housewife named Fatima Beevi. They belong to a priestly family of Muslim community, called "Labba family". Labba (Al-Abba) means Father, that is "Father of the Community".

Paul Ciniraj studied at Kalloor Government Upper Primary School upto 7th standard. Then Pothencode Lekshmi Vilasom High School till S.S.L.C. Took graduation from Mar Ivanios College and Post graduation from University in Trivandrum.

Amazing Testimony of Paul Ciniraj

My Background

As you might have already concluded from my name, I hail from a Muslim community. I came to the saving grace of the Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ many years ago while I was still a university student. Some Christian boys there were distributing tracts which explained who the Lord Jesus Christ was. I, being a Muslim, was dead against their activities and used to threaten and torment them both physically and mentally. I was young, self-righteous and rigid in my views and was fully convinced that harassing and hurting them was the right thing to do.

A Piece of a Tract
One day I found a piece of tract in my notebook. It still remains a mystery how it has found its way into my book. I was about to throw it into a dustbin when my eyes caught the following words: "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 6:23). These words made me feel uneasy. Still in spite of myself I read on, "Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance : Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners - of whom I am the worst" (1 Timothy 1:15). Until this moment I was convinced that I was not a bad man, and led my life in a proper way. But now, all of a sudden, I was full of doubts about my own attitudes, intentions and conduct.

The Vision
I went to bed, but was restless and could not sleep for a long time. When I finally fell asleep, I had a very strange and disturbing vision: One by one, all the transgressions and violations I had committed since my childhood began to appear before me, like the scenes in a movie. Then each one of them transformed into a blister on my body, till I was completely covered with festering sores. I felt unbearable pain. Realizing not what I was doing, I cried out "God! Hear me! Save me!"

Then, a person surrounded by bright light came down from heaven and touched me. I understood that He was Jesus, the one whom I had been waging a war against. His touch was pleasant, it cooled both my body and mind. I closed my eyes with a heavenly joy, and when I finally opened them again, I saw that all the blisters and sores disappeared from my body. But Jesus, who came in bright and spotless, was now infested with my sores. I immediately understood the meaning of this vision of mine, although it was only later, when I began to study the Bible, that I read this verse in the Bible: "Christ was without sin, but for our sake God made Him share in our sin in order that in union with Him we might share the righteousness of God" (2 Corinthians 5:21). I woke up a new man. At once I shared my experience to my father and my mother with a great joy. But my mother said, it was not from God, but trick of Iblis (Satan). But I was fully convinced that God the Heavenly Father made me as a new creation and His own child by the power of Salvation of His Only Begotten Son Jesus Christ  through the Holy Spirit. 

This is my story how I, and later, my family too believed in the Lord Jesus Christ. I was called for His powerful ministry. He filled me with the Holy Spirit and gave me the gifts of preaching His Word, healing the sick, evangelizing the unreached and many others.

Facing the Wrath
But mine was by no means an easy path. Some of the community I formerly belonged to felt that my accepting Jesus Christ was an act of betrayal and they tried to take revenge. Once someone sprinkled sulfuric acid on my body. But by God's grace, they could not do any serious harm. The other time an assassin attacked me with a knife, intending to kill me. I survived the attack, though my lower jaw was badly damaged and I lost several teeth.

I made known that I had forgiven that person and hold nothing against him. Amazingly, later he had repented for his act and his own accord accepted Jesus Christ as his personal Saviour.

Children Not Spared
I have two sons and one daughter. A secret terrorist group had sent a man to destroy my entire family. He managed to make my children consume poison, and all of the three of them were in the hospital in a critical state. Christian community kept praying for their recovery. One by one, they began to get better. My daughter, though, remained in coma for nearly 30 days. Her recovery was just like someone being raised from the dead. the man, who gave poison to my children, was shaken to see the power of our Lord in action. He too became a follower of Jesus Christ and dedicated himself to working among the Muslim nations, particularly those involved in the acts of terror, and winning them over for the Lord.

Last year I and one of my assistant pastors were severely beaten in a village by a Hindu and Muslim mob and they burned down our prayer hall. God alone has saved me. Recently our Lord has enabled me to overcome a murder attempt. By making an accident somebody tried to kill me and I am undergoing the treatment. While I was in the hospital my wife and children also faced a murder attempt at home and God saved them miraculously.

Family Reunion
I must mention that my parents, my brothers and sisters were all devout Muslims. Most of the seniors are Hajis (man who did pilgrimage to Mecca is called Haji) and Hajjummas (woman who did pilgrimage to Mecca is called Hajjumma). Having let Jesus Christ into my life, I was ex-communicated and for quite some time was not allowed to have any contacts with my parents and the extended family. I and my wife felt sad about it and brought this matter to the Lord in prayers. Gradually, I began to re-establish links with my people through letters and telephone calls. Finally, a day came when they had accepted the fact that I worship Jesus Christ, visited my place and stayed with us and their grandchildren. I spoke to them about the love of God. They left, and we had maintained good contacts since then.

Later I was told that just two days before his death, my father accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Saviour because he had had a vision of Jesus with the marks left by the nails and His hands and feet. My mother too became a believer shortly before her death.

Rev. Paul Ciniraj & family along with his father and mother

Spreading the Message of His Love
Presently, I work for Him who took away my sin. My family is assisting me in my mission. Our ministry is called "Salem Voice Ministries". Jesus Christ is the King of Salem (king of peace) and priest of God Most High (Hebrews 7:1). We proclaim His voice (Gospel). That is Salem Voice Ministries. "Injil Ministries Alliance Mission" is a special wing of the Salem Voice Ministries to reach the Gospel to the Muslims. I am also helping the Bible Society of India to prepare 'Holy Gospel' in Malayalam for the special audience.

Like all Indians, we love India as our mother and we are keen to win India, as well as the third world, for Jesus by spreading the message of the gospel through charitable and social activities. We distribute tracts and Bibles, provide missionary training to volunteers, send out missionaries, run orphanages, help to educate both children and adults. We are planning to launch some mobile dispensaries shortly to reach remote rural areas. We do not intend to "convert" people to make them leave their community. We only want to open their hearts to the love of Jesus Christ and show what the Almighty can do if we allow His saving grace to direct our lives.
 

Paul Ciniraj is a well known convention speaker in entire Orthodox Church and Indian Ecumenical Movement. He spreads the messages of Love and Peace through conventions and retreats. He is the "Missionary of Peace".
 
He has written and published many books in Malayalam. Some of the books are:-- 

1. Maranavum Roopantharavum (The Death and Transfiguration), 

2. Itha Ninte Amma (Behold Thy Mother), 

3. Swargeeya Ayiru (The Heavenly Ore), 

4. Bible Tablet and Quiz, 

5. Vishudha Qur'an Quiz (Quiz from the Glorious Qur'an). He published many articles in periodicals too.

Saint Teresa's Vision of the demons

The following are some of her accounts taken from her Collected Works:

Volume 1 of The Collected Works of St. Teresa of Avila, Chapter 38, parts 23 & 24 & 25:

ST. TERESA OF AVILA


VIRGIN AND DOCTOR OF THE CHURCH


FEAST DAY:  OCTOBER 15TH

INTERCESSORY PRAYER:  
Ask Saint Teresa to increase our desire to love and obey God.  

Ask Saint Teresa to intercede for your spiritual needs today.

23. "Once, while approaching to receive Communion, I saw with my soul's eyes more clearly than with my bodily eyes two devils whose appearance was abominable. It seems to me their horns were wrapped around the poor priests's throat, and in the host that was going to be given to me I saw my Lord with the majesty I mentioned placed in the priest's hands, which were clearly seen to be His offender's; and I understood that that soul was in mortal sin. What would it be my Lord, to see Your beauty in the midst of such abominable figures? They were as though frightened and terrified in Your presence, for it seems they would have very eagerly fled had You allowed them. This vision caused me such great disturbance I don't know how I was able to receive Communion, and I was left with a great fear, thinking that if the vision had been from God, His Majesty would not have permitted me to see the evil that was in that soul. The Lord Himself told me to pray for him and that He had permitted it so that I might understand the power of the words of consecration and how God does not fail to be present, however evil the priest who recites them, and that I might see His great goodness since He places Himself in those hands of His enemy, and all out of love for me and for everyone. I understood well how much more priests are obliged to be good than are others, how deplorable a thing it is to receive this most Blessed Sacrament unworthily, and how much the devil is lord over the soul in mortal sin. It did me a great deal of good and brought me deep understanding of what I owed God. May He be blessed forever and ever.


24. At another time something else happened to me that frightened me very much. I was at a place where a certain person died who for many years had lived a wicked life, from what I knew. But he had been sick for two years, and in some things it seems he had made amends. He died without confession, but nevertheless it didn't seem to me he would be condemned. While the body was being wrapped in its shroud, I saw many devils take that body; and it seemed they were playing with it and punishing it. This terrified me, for with large hooks they were dragging it from one devil to the other. Since I saw it buried with the honor and ceremonies accorded to all, I reflected on the goodness of God, how He did not want that soul to be defamed, but wanted the fact that it was His enemy to be concealed.

25. I was half stupefied from what I had seen. During the whole ceremony I didn't see another devil. Afterward when they put the body in the grave, there was such a multitude of them inside ready to take it that I was frantic at the sight of it, and there was need for no small amount of courage to conceal this. I reflected on what they would do to the soul when they had such dominion over the unfortunate body. May it please the Lord that what I have seen -a thing so frightful!-will be seen by all those who are in such an evil state; I think it would prove a powerful help toward their living a good life. All of this gives me greater knowledge of what I owe God and of what He freed me from. I was very frightened until I spoke about it to my confessor, wondering if it was an illusion caused by the devil to defame that soul. Although it wasn't considered to be the soul of someone with a very deep Christian spirit. Truly since the vision was not an illusion, it frightens me every time I think of it."

The Collected Works of St. Teresa of Avila, Volume 1, Chapter 31, parts: 1-11 :

Chapter 31

Deals with some exterior temptations and representations of the devil and the torments he inflicted on her. Treats also of some matters very beneficial for advising persons who journey on the path of perfection.


1. Now that I've mentioned some interior, secret temptations and disturbances the devil caused me, I want to tell about others he caused almost publicly and in which one could not be mistaken that he was the source.

2. I was once in an oratory, and he appeared to me in an abominable form at my left side. Because he spoke to me, I looked particularly at his mouth-which was frightening. It seemed that a great flame, all bright without shadow, came forth from his body. He told me in a terrifying way that I had really freed myself from his hands but that he would catch me with them again. I was struck with great fear and blessed myself as best I could; he disappeared, but returned right away. This happened to me twice. I didn't know what to do. There was some holy water there, and I threw it in that direction; he never returned again.

3. Another time I was tormented for five hours with such terrible interior and exterior pains and disturbance that it didn't seem to me I could suffer them any longer. The sisters who were with me were frightened and didn't know what to do, nor did I know how to help myself. When bodily pains and sickness become intolerable I have the custom of making interior acts of supplication to the Lord as best I can, that if His Majesty be served by my doing so He might give me patience and I might remain in this state until the end of the world. Well, since I was suffering so severely this time, I was helping myself through these acts and resolutions so as to be able to bear it. The Lord wanted me to understand it was the devil because I saw beside me a black, very abominable little creature, snarling like one in despair that where he had tried to gain he had lost. When I saw him I laughed to myself and was not afraid. There were some sisters there with me who were unable to help nor did they know of any remedy for so much torment; without being able to resist, I was striking myself hard on the body, head, and arms. What was worse was the interior disturbance, for I wasn't able to feel calm of any sort. I didn't dare ask for holy water lest I frighten them and they come to understand what the trouble was.

4. I often experience that there is nothing the devils flee from more-without returning-than holy water. They also flee from the cross, but they return. The power of holy water must be great. For me there is a particular and very noticeable consolation my soul experiences upon taking it. Without a doubt my soul feels ordinarily a refreshment I wouldn't know how to explain, like an interior delight that comforts it entirely. This isn't some fancy or something that has happened to me only once, but something that has happened often and that I've observed carefully. Let us say the relief is like that coming to a person, very hot and thirsty, when he drinks a jar of cold water; it would seem that he felt the refreshment all over. I consider everything ordained by the Church to be important, and I rejoice to see the power of those words recited over the water so that its difference from unblessed water becomes so great.

5. Well, since the torment didn't stop, I said: "If you wouldn't laugh, I'd ask for holy water." They brought it to me and sprinkled some on me, but it didn't help. I threw some toward where the devil was, and instantly he went away and all the illness left me as if it were taken away by hand, except that I remained weary as though I had been badly beaten with a stick. It did me a lot of good to reflect upon what he will do to the soul he possesses as his own if even when the soul and body don't belong to him, he causes so much harm-when the Lord permits. It made me again eager to be freed from such dreadful company.

6. Another time, not long ago, the same thing happened to me; although it didn't last as long, and I was alone. I called for holy water, and those who entered after the devil had already gone (for they were two nuns well worthy of belief, who would by no means tell a lie) smelled a foul stench like that of brimstone. I didn't smell it. It so lingered that one could notice it.

Another time I was in the choir, and there came upon me a strong impulse toward recollection. I left the choir so that the others wouldn't notice, although all of them heard the striking of loud blows near the place where I was; I heard some coarse words next to me as though the devils were plotting something, although I didn't understand anything nor did I have any fear. It happened, almost every time, when the Lord granted me the favor of persuading some soul to advance in perfection.

7. It is certain that what I shall now tell happened to me. (And there are many witnesses to this, especially the one who is now my confessor since he saw it written in a letter; without my telling him who the person was to whom the letter belonged, he knew very well who it was.)

A person came to me who had been in mortal sin for two and a half years. It was one of the most abominable I've heard of, and in all this time he hadn't confessed or made amends; and he was saying Mass. Although he was confessing other sins, of this one he asked how he could confess something so ugly. He had a great desire to give it up, but he wasn't able to help himself. He made me feel great pity, and my seeing that he offended God in such a way caused me deep sorrow. I promised him I would beg God very much to liberate him and that I would beg God very much to liberate him and that I would get others better than myself to do the same, and I wrote to him through a certain person he told me I could give the letters to. And so it happened that after receiving the first letter he went to confession. For God desired (through the many very holy persons to whose prayers I recommended him) to grant this soul that mercy; and I, although miserable, did what I could with great care. He wrote to me that he was so much better that for days he had not fallen into the sin, but that the torment the temptation gave him was so intense it seemed from what he suffered he was in hell; he asked me to commend him to God. I in turn recommended him to my sisters through whose prayers the Lord must have granted me this favor, for they took the matter very much to heart. No one could guess who the person was. I begged His Majesty to mitigate those torments and temptations and that those devils would come to afflict me, provided that I would not offend the Lord in anything. As a result, for a month I suffered severe torments; it was during this time that these two things I mentioned happened.

8. The Lord was pleased that they leave him; this he wrote to me, for I told hm what I was going through during that month. His soul was fortified, and he was left completely free. He didn't have enough of thanking God and me as though I had done anything. But the reputation I had from the fact that the Lord granted me favors benefitted him. He said that when he found himself very distressed he read my letters, and the temptation left him. He was very impressed by what I had suffered and how he had been freed. Even I was amazed, and I would have suffered many more years to see that soul free. May the Lord be praised for everything, for the prayer of those who serve Him (as I believe do these sisters in this house) can do much. But since I sought these prayers, the devils must have been more angry with me; and the Lord on account of my sins permitted this.

9. Also one night during this time I thought they were choking me; after much holy water had been sprinkled around, I saw a great multitude of them go by, as though they were being thrown down a precipice. There are so many times that these cursed creatures torment me, and so little is the fear I now have of them, seeing that they cannot stir unless the Lord allows them, that I would tire your Reverence and tire myself if I told about all these instances.

10. May what was said be of help that the true servant of God might pay no attention to the scarecrows the devils set up in order to cause fear. We should know that each time we pay no attention to them they are weakened and the soul gains much more mastery. Some great benefit always remains, which I won't go into so as not to enlarge. I shall only mention what happened to me on the night of All Souls: while I was in the oratory after having recited a nocturn and while saying some very devotional prayers that come at the end, a devil appeared on the book so that I couldn't finish the prayer. I blessed myself, and he went away. When I began again to recite the prayers, he returned. I believe it was three times I began, and until I threw holy water at him I couldn't finish. I saw that some souls left purgatory at that instant; little must have been lacking to their freedom, and I wondered if he had aimed at preventing this.

A few times I've seen him in physical form, but many times with no physical form-as for instance in the vision mentioned above in which without seeing any form one knows he is there.

11. I also want to tell the following because it frightened me a lot: one day on the feast of the Trinity, being in the choir of a certain monastery and in rapture, I saw a great battle of devils against angels. I couldn't understand what that vision meant. In less than fifteen days it became easily understandable on account of a certain conflict that arose between people of prayer and many who were not, and a lot of harm was done in the house in which it took place. It was a battle that lasted a long time and caused much disquiet.

At other times I saw a large multitude of devils around me, and it seemed that a great brightness encircled me, and this prevented them from reaching me. I understood that God was watching over me so that they could not get to me in order to make me offend Him. From what I sometimes saw in myself, I understood that it was a true vision. The fact is that now I have understood so well the little bit of power he has provided I'm not against God, that I have almost no fear . The powers of devils are nothing if these devils do not find souls cowardly and surrendered to them: it is with such souls that they show their power. Sometime, in the temptations I already mentioned, it seemed to me that all the vanities and weaknesses of the past were again awakening within me; I had really to commend myself to God. At once the torment came of thinking that since those thoughts arose in me the favors I experienced must all be from the devil. It seemed to me that there shouldn't have been even the first stirrings of a bad thought in one who was receiving so many favors from the Lord. But then my confessor put me at peace. 

I am the Good Shepherd. (John 10:14)

by Fr. Augustine Vallooran V.C.

People often ask me, "Why attend an Inner Healing Retreat? What is an Inner Healing Retreat?" It is waiting for a promise to be fulfilled in Jesus. Jesus said, "I am the Good Shepherd." What does a good shepherd do? He goes after the lost sheep. Jesus said. "As the Father knows me and I know the Father, in the same way I know my sheep and they know me…they will listen to my voice, and they will become one flock with one shepherd." (John 10:15-16)

What Jesus is saying is that he knows each one of us by name - that he knows each of us deeply, personally and intimately. Jesus said in the Gospel of Mark 10:30, "As for you, even the hairs of your head have all been counted." God, our heavenly Father is one who truly cares for us - we have a God who cares for us so much that he came down from his heavenly throne. "For God loved the world so much that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not die but have eternal life." (John 3:16)

There are many moments in our past when we have cried -if not in our eyes, then in our hearts; in the darkness of our rooms, tears have run down our faces, We thought no one had seen yet the Lord says all the tears have been counted (Psalm 56:8). 

God's Love is a love that heals, a love that touches. Bruised, wounded, lonely, hurt - that is the life history of every one of us. We trusted people who we thought we could build our lives with but we were wrong. In these lost moments of our lives, Jesus will come. Every moment you were lost and betrayed, Jesus knows. He will come, like a good shepherd, holding the sheep in His arm to give rest to the sheep - to us! In fact, in one of the earliest marble statues that date back to the 1st century of Christianity, is a statue of a sheep on Jesus' shoulder. It is currently displayed in the Vatican museum. Many of us think of Jesus as King, as the Crucified. He said he is "the Good Shepherd".

The moment we are conceived, our minds began to function - it began to pick up vibrations from that moment. Doctors and psychologists have confirmed this finding. If the mother is happy at the moment, the baby feels a beautiful vibration. Thus as the baby grows in the womb, the baby picks up all the vibrations. All of us experienced that and it has moulded our characters.

I would like to share a beautiful incident that happened here in our Divine Retreat Centre. There is a female volunteer who sings on the Malayalam stage. She was singing and praising God and was actually taken from the stage to the hospital to deliver her baby girl! The baby hardly cried. She is now about 10 years old. As a baby, she jumped into every one's hands immediately! She had no inhibitions. In fact, the first word the she uttered as a baby was "Alleluia!" The mother was feeding the baby with positive feelings, Even if she had a negative feeling, it was soothed by the Holy Spirit as she sang hymns of praise and worship on the stage. The positive attitude of the baby is from the mother - the mother's loving, caring, serving and sharing attitude has given a positive foundation for her child's mental life. It would have been the exact opposite if the parents did not want the baby. Babies have the most sensitive minds and hearts. The healthiest time of the growth of a baby is in the womb of the mother.

Psychologists say the mind has 3 layers:
· The Conscious
· The Subconscious
· The Unconscious

In the conscious mind, we are able to make a connection between our behaviour and the reason for that. If we are not able to explain or understand the reason for our behaviour, then the reason is in our subconscious or unconscious mind.

A young man once walked straight into my room, looked at me and said, "Father, I hate you." I was surprised as I had never seen him before. I kept my cool and asked him why. Strangely he said, "I don't know why I hate you. You came to the retreat hall on the first day for the Introductory talk and the way you talked and the way you raised your arms up made me hate you." I began to talk to this vibrant young man. He grew up in a small village. He used to go every Sunday for mass and loved to serve as an altar boy during mass on the stage. He was like a leader among his friends. He made some mistakes while serving and when he made a mistake, the priest who was a bit quick tempered, slapped him near the altar. All his friends saw this and giggled. He became a very private reserved person. It was his wife who insisted he attended this retreat. Unfortunately, I looked like that priest - we had similarity in looks and speech. All the feelings in his heart had awakened in his mind - the pent-up anger came up. Poor me! I did nothing to warrant his anger. And poor young man! He did not know why he hated me. All of us have pent-up anger. The reason is what has happened to us in the past.

A girl once came to see me. A week after she was married, she went out of her mind. She would go to sleep and she did not want to talk to anyone. She was a healthy and educated girl. No one knew what had happened. I tried to talk to her but it was difficult as her problem had become psychosomatic. Slowly I found out that her father was a drunkard and she grew up seeing him beat her mother. She hated her dad because of this problem and the violence. She made sure with her brothers that the bridegroom was not a drunk. On the 3rd day after the wedding, she saw her husband drinking. She could not sleep that night. She thought of her future, "what if he continues drinking?" She would be like her mum. "I am lost. I have no way to live like this." There was no way for her to tell anyone. She was acutely affected. Her mind could not take it anymore and her mind switched off. I explained the situation to her husband - it is a choice between your wife or the bottle. It is not her mistake but because of her past. We need to go back into our past to find out how the past has affected us. This is our subconscious mind - we are not aware of the past but we need to make the person understand.

By the ages of 5-6, we become what we are today, mentally. A 11 year old boy came to our retreat centre and was very helpful. However as more retreatants came, he became more reserved. By the second day of the retreat, he was unmanageable. He walked out of the retreat hall and would not listen to the volunteers. I spoke to him and gained his confidence. Fortunately he had a good friend who was a priest who had helped him in many ways. I understood a consistent behavioural pattern - he disliked crowds. This boy had no mother and lived in a very remote village. His mother died when he about 2 years old. He could not remember her but he very calmly and coolly said that she had died in a road accident. In a village, this type of news spread fast and the neighbours would pick up the little boy and cry. The next day, after the post-mortem, the mother's body would be in bad shape. All the memories the boy can remember is of the crowds and the association with his mother's death.

When I asked the boy to praise God for the death of his mother, he became very violent and a doctor had to be called to sedate him. Two days later, I gently spoke to him about life and death and the plan of God but he became violent and had to be sedated again. After another two days, I managed to explain the plan of God and the boy calmed down. He stayed on to do another 2 retreats. We have to invite Jesus into our past - there are many things we remember and many things that w do not.

The two apostles said to Jesus on the way to Emmaus, "Remain with us, O Lord." They were totally devastated and shattered by the death of Jesus. They were sad, depressed, angry, afraid and felt guilty, Jesus explained to them all that had happened and when he broke the bread, their eyes were opened and they recognized Jesus. Then they rejoiced! All the negative emotions were gone. They said to one another, "Were not our hearts burning within us?" We need to walk with Jesus. That is where He is going to lead us as we experience an Inner Healing Retreat. We need to offer to God all our negative emotions. Only Jesus can heal us. We trusted other people to make us happy. Only God can fill our hearts with love - our hearts are only made for God. We want to tell God that only he can fill our hearts.
 

Let us pray

Jesus, You are our Good Shepherd.
We trust in You, in Your Love.
We are wounded, depressed, sad and guilty.
Good Shepherd, my Jesus, let Your Blood flow into my wounds.
I accept you, my Jesus, as my Good Shepherd.
Amen